


What We Used to Have

by writerseventeen



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Civil War (Marvel), Inspired by a Trailer, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-26
Updated: 2015-11-26
Packaged: 2018-05-03 11:10:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5288471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writerseventeen/pseuds/writerseventeen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set amidst the onset of Civil War. Bucky comes back into Steve’s life, quite possibly when Steve needs him most. The only problem is: he and Tony have history. Intimate and immensely confusing history.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What We Used to Have

**Author's Note:**

> I watched the trailer and all my Stony feels came back and slapped me in the face. It stung so bad I had to write my feelings out. This is based around the events and dialogue in the trailer. Please go watch it if you haven't, the movie looks absolutely phenomenal and I can't wait for it to come out. Please enjoy the story and tell me what you think!!!

It had taken months to formulate even an idea of where he was hiding. He was being cautious, incredibly so, Steve understood that. His old friend had learned to become invisible and Steve could only hope he was okay. He’d had to withhold his efforts to locate Bucky during Ultron’s attack. Afterwards Steve chose to be purposely discrete in divulging his team members about his mission to track down Bucky, for obvious reasons. Their accomplishment in taking down Ultron together had been successful, clearly, but the aftermath wasn’t the same as New York.

The team, as a whole, had received an influx of opposing opinions from the public. Most of them negative. It was wholeheartedly confusing to the Captain, who for the life of him couldn’t understand how a whole planet of individuals could collectively turn against the people who were doing everything in their power, to protect them.

Steve had never felt so rundown. It seemed that nearly everyone he’s met, since waking up, wanted to use him in some calculating, twisted way. Shield…. Fury had let him down and in the end after New York, Pierce and Ultron- Steve realized, with a resignation that made him want to scream, that there really was no one there he could’ve ever really trusted.

Tony had received the worst of the criticism. The government, of multiple countries, had torn him apart, but ironically enough the United States’ had done the worst damage.

When they had all parted ways for a second time, not on what Steve felt like friendly terms, but instead rather forced comradery, Tony had whisked away in his fancy car looking unnervingly anxious.  Thor had swung his hammer and launched himself away without much of a goodbye- stating that he had important issues to take care of back home. Steve knew they wouldn’t be hearing from him for a long time.

Bruce was somewhere else, hopefully somewhere far away from the Avengers. Steve didn’t think this because he distrusted Banner in any way, no. He and Bruce had always had a quiet, understanding relationship, and Steve could see how Bruce being forcibly involved with constant violence was slowly killing the gentle man. Steve had always respected Bruce’s compelling morality towards the greater good, providing his knowledge and abilities whenever need be, despite those ignorant individuals who feared and rallied against him. But Bruce needed time away- to help save himself for a change.

Clint was doing okay. The majority of the world seemed to trust him and his bow and arrows. He had a safer, more trusting appearance than the rest of them because of his lifelong allegiance with the ‘right’ side. The bowman always seemed to be doing his duty and never stirring up trouble, at least in the public’s eye. He didn’t have any deep, dark secrets that were released during Shield’s collapse unlike Natasha and himself. But Clint was getting tired, they all were. Steve had a gut feeling that they were all becoming less of friends and more of co-workers. After the team had found out about Clint’s family, Steve had gone up to him and personally swore to never tell a soul. Clint had given him a smile, a real one, the one that made the archer look young and goofy. His home is where Steve assumed Clint returned to once Ultron was done and over with.

Natasha had stuck around, thankfully. She was the presence of calm in the ever hectic world which Steve lived in. She was also the unwilling focus of the media nowadays, her former life as an agent in the dark, tarnished by her sacrifice to dismantle Hydra’s network of secret allegiants. They hardly had any time nowadays when it was just the two of them, but Nat could read Steve like an open book. At times when Steve thought he had an impressive grip on his external emotions, she would grip both sides of his face and quietly tell him, “It’s going to be okay,” and in those moments, Steve believed her. The two of them where charged with the order of publicly settling disputes and maintaining peace throughout the press. Steve was horrible under the flashing cameras and bright lights and hundreds of questions being shouted at him at an unrelenting rate of attention. He felt more like a government dummy than he did advertising war bonds in his past life, one which he wouldn’t mind returning to.

Which is why his mission to find and save his best friend was so important to him, Bucky was the only remaining link to the past, which Steve desperately wished he never left. Bucky was _home_. And Steve didn’t have that anymore. With the team feeling more divided than ever, Steve took that as an additional driving factor in finding his lost friend.

Steve and Sam stood at the rusted metal doors of an old Hydra base somewhere in Eastern Germany. The building looked like it was deteriorating in front of them. There were ants crawling up the sides of the walls and weeds of all kinds were growing under the stronghold.

“Anddd… we’re sure he’s in there?”

“He’s got to be.”

With no further words exchanged, Steve walked up to the metal doors and pried them apart, the metal screeching in protest.

“Well know he knows we’re coming,” stated Sam jokingly gesturing to the entrance.

“He won’t run.”

“You know this how?”

“I ran a heat scan of the building from the past few days, only one presence detected, unmoving.”

A beat of silence.

“We’re also sure he’s alive right?”

“I have a gut feeling.”

Steve briefly glanced over his shoulder at Sam, smiling tightly, before stepping into the building. The inside wasn’t as glorious as the outside was. Destroyed wires and machines were scattered around the rooms and rotted papers lined the floors. The air was so humid, every breath felt like a struggle. There was a slight draft coming through an opening in the ceiling somewhere and there were random puddles of water across the floor.

“You have an idea where you’re going?” asked Sam, following closely behind Steve.

“Sort of,”

“Hm, comforting,”

They spent a couple more minutes blindly passing by each abandoned room, their steps echoing throughout the empty building. Then the sound of metal scraping against metal.

“Did you hear that?” asked Steve, motioning a hand for Sam to stop moving.

“Hear what?”

Steve began walking quicker towards the noise which had come from a couple hundred feet away. Finally he came to a large open room with Bucky sitting on the floor, his metal arm entangled in some large machine.

Steve felt nostalgia pull at his chest as he looked at his friend, whom he hoped had recovered his memories. If Bucky saving him from drowning in the river was anything to go by, he had a dangerous amount of hope in his heart. Steve was about to rush forward to help him but he felt a firm hand slap against his chest. He looked at Sam, eyebrows furrowed, and saw his friend’s stern, reminding look. _‘He could still be dangerous.’_

Steve nodded once and turned his head back towards Bucky, who hadn’t showed any signs of life since their arrival. Steve took two steps forward.

“Buck?”

His voice sounded unnervingly loud in the silent room.

Bucky’s head slowly raised, each slow, choppy movement looking like it pained him to even lift his head. His long brown hair parted over his forehead, revealing half of his face. His dark hooded eyes met Steve’s with a blank expression on his face.

“Do you remember me?” asked the Captain, taking another-bolder step towards the man on the ground.

For minutes Bucky just stared in silence at the man above him. Steve’s eye contact never wavered and he waited in crushing suspense for Bucky to answer him. ‘ _Please say yes, please say yes,’_ chanted Steve over and over in his mind. ‘ _I won’t be able to live without you know that I know you’re here.’_

“Your mother’s name… was Sarah.”

Bucky’s low, cracked voice caught him by surprise. Steve felt his heart pounding against his chest with each word Bucky spoke.

“You used to wear newspapers-in your shoes.”

Bucky’s words ripped through him like a knife. He felt the rawest mix of relief, nostalgia, happiness, and bittersweet sadness that he had ever experienced but the slight softening of his eyes was the only indicator of what he was feeling in that moment. Bucky was back. _His Bucky is back._

“Remember that time you made me ride the Cyclone on Coney Island?” asked Steve, bending a knee to kneel in front of his reunited friend.

“Yeah, and you threw up,” supplied Bucky smartly.

And right there, at that moment, Bucky smiled for the first time in forty years and Steve felt genuinely at home for the first time since waking up.

* * *

 

 “It’s true. While a great many people consider you a hero, there are some that would prefer the term… vigilante.”

General Ross’s voice was stern and commanding, the only tone a man who served a lifelong term in the military could sound like.

“You’ve operated with unlimited power and no supervision,” continued Ross articulating his words. “That’s something the world can no longer tolerate.”

He finished his statements by returning to his seat across from the Captain. He pulled out a stack of papers, labeled the “ _Sovokia Accord”_ before sliding it over to Steve.

“Your cooperation is greatly advised,” stated Ross, leaving no room for argument. Steve stared distastefully at the packet in front of him, his jaw twitching with contained anger.

“And if you do not choose to cooperate, there will be consequences,” spoke Ross, in what sounded indefinitely like a threat.

Steve raised his eyes, anger exploding behind his pupils.

“Probably nothing I can’t deal with.”

Ross visibly widened his eyes at Steve’s remark, surprised at the Captain’s open defiance.

Before the general could reply, Stark, who had previously been sitting surprisingly quietly across the table, jutted in.

“If you could excuse us gentleman, I need to speak with Cap alone.”

Sam who had been sitting beside Steve glanced suspiciously at Stark briefly before standing up and squeezing Steve’s shoulders. Steve gave him a nod in thanks before turning his attention to Ross, who was conversing quietly with Tony at the other end of the room. Tony was just shaking his head in agreement with Ross who was speaking sternly to him. When Stark glanced up and realized Steve was trying to listen in, he respectively led Ross by the shoulder out and closed the door wordlessly behind him.

There was an awkward silence. Steve could feel Tony’s presence behind him, no doubt just staring contemplatively at the back of his head. The older man had a tendency to stare directly at Steve whenever he was thinking about something in particular. Even when addressing other team members, he would look directly at the young Captain and no one else. Steve had noticed this of course almost immediately after they had met.

He had only asked Tony about it about a year and a half ago and what ensued was surprising to say the least. He confronted Tony about his ‘staring’ habits on a late night in his workshop and the older man had looked at him funny before answering.

“I’m reading your reactions. Whenever I make a suggestion or a decision I look to you for approval. It’s as simple as that Cap.”

Steve was still relatively reserved around the team at that point and Stark’s answer confused him.

“Why me? I hardly ever make the decisions.”

“Yeah, but you know when they’re right or wrong.”

“I um, I don’t know-,”

“Look, you’re like the embodiment of righteousness. Even if you don’t speak up as often as you could, you already know the right answer. You furrow your right eyebrow or cross your arms when someone says something wrong, especially to Fury, and you nod your head once, slightly when someone is right.”

Steve widened his eyes at Stark’s close observation. Sure, Steve did these things but he never really noticed them they just happened unthinkingly. He had felt bad, he didn’t think Stark ever paid much attention to anyone but himself.

“Don’t think too much about it, I’m a people person,” Stark supplied nonchalantly, waving a hand in Steve’s direction. He swiveled his chair back towards the car he was working on but turned back around after a few seconds.

“Okay well I realized that Natasha was getting the most head nods and I wasn’t,” continued Stark, tapping his fingers against the arc reactor. Steve didn’t know if it was the alcohol or not that was making Tony outwardly speak his mind but there was no stopping him now, “Of course that wasn’t acceptable because I’m clearly the higher intellectual. And now I actually speak before I say something and I’ve gotten a lot of head nods in the past few months,” He laughed a bit before continuing, “See, Captain America’s making me a better person just by head nodding at me, absolutely ridiculous.”

“I thought you hated me,” replied Steve, the confession sliding out of his lips before he realized what was happening.

Tony seemed to find that amusing and smiled at him like he was used to it.

“I kind of did. I just always wanted to disagree with you because you’re always fucking right and c’mon that’s not fair.”

“I’m not always right Tony. That’s poisonous thinking.”

“Well if you’re ever wrong about something, I’ll be sure to be the first to tell you.”

“What about if _you’re_ wrong about something?”

“Well that’ll never happen because I’m right about everything.”

Steve just rolled his eyes and crossed his arms across his chest.

“Ugh I should’ve never told you this now you’re just growing to cross your arms and furrow your eyebrows whenever I say something.”

“Most likely,” said Steve, a small smile hinting at his lips.

Tony laughed, his bright white smile on display, and Steve found himself laughing alongside with him. How Tony was this lively at 3 am in the morning was beyond him but despite his irregular sleep patterns, addiction to caffeine, and technology, Tony always managed to look so vibrant and relaxed. Steve supposed it was just a trait that came along with being a Stark.

“It’s really not fair though, is it?” asked Tony.

Steve supposed it was more of a rhetorical question and just raised an eyebrow at him in question. Tony walked languidly towards him his eyes never leaving Steve’s face. Even the smallest doses of specialized attention had always made Steve flustered and he looked away. Tony came to stand directly in front of Steve, who was sitting on top of one of Tony’s workbenches. The younger man could feel Stark’s warmth emanating from his body and Steve found himself leaning unconsciously towards it. People were always drawn towards Tony, who had a naturally inviting aura when need be. Steve sometimes envied him for that.

“It’s not fair how-,” began Tony, who suddenly interrupted himself to gently trace a finger down Steve’s cheek, the younger man’s eyes raised up to meet Tony’s somber brown ones which emanated trust and warmth, “-how perfect you really are,” finished Tony, resting his hand against Steve’s cheekbone, thumb tapping gently on the skin. Steve still isn’t sure who initiated it but then they were kissing.

Oh yeah, him and Tony had history.

Whether or not it was good history was still up for debate, sometimes Steve regretted it, which is usually when Tony didn’t regret it and sometimes Tony regretted it, which was when Steve didn’t regret it. This sequence of events was one of the reasons getting back ‘together’ was nearly impossible. They both were immensely prideful especially Tony. During their many frequent arguments Steve would tell him this and Tony, who could never admit he was wrong, would subsequently become angry.

“Tony, all I was trying to do was help!”

“No, sweet cheeks you weren’t. I get that every superhuman on the team thinks I’m a weak mortal who needs saving but I can handle myself alright? So just back off next time.”

“All I did was pull that guy off your back!”

“No! While you did pull that guy off my back, thanks I guess, you then you took it upon yourself to push me back and take out the rest of the very manageable bad guys when Clint needed your help more than I did!”

“Your suit was practically out of power and you had a fractured arm, I hardly believe that you could’ve handled all twelve of them!”

“Goddammit Steve, you always underestimate me and I’m fucking tired of that!”

“I was just looking out for you!”

“Well then just stop looking out for me!”

That was the first time they had broken up. Two weeks into their “established” relationship. Neither of them had actually ever confirmed it aloud but it was one of those unspoken understandings.

They had gotten back together a week later when Tony had texted him to meet on the roof of the Avengers tower. Steve found Tony sitting on the concrete edge, legs dangling dangerously over the side of the one hundred plus story building; the bustling night life of New York illuminating Tony’s attractive features. The younger man constantly worried that Tony was too self-destructive. After reading his file and discovering how Tony almost died when the arc reactor was progressively killing him and how easily Tony had relapsed into self- destruction, Steve had maybe grown a little too over protective.

“Can you please not sit so close to the edge?”

“Can you please stop being such a pussy and come sit next to me?”

Of course Tony always ignored his attempts to help him.

There was a prolonged silence, where the only noise was the muted beeping of taxis and the shouts of New Yorkers far below. Of course Tony wanted him to speak first.

“I’m sorry Tony.”

“For what?”

“For being over-protective, you’re a very capable, experienced person and I’ll try not to interfere with you so much during fights.”

“Thanks but that’s not really the problem,” commented Tony, flicking a pebble off the roof.

“That could actually hurt someone,”

“Would you shut the fuck up?”

“Sorry, sorry!” Steve scolded himself, he really had to stop being so Captain America all the time.

“Tony,” urged the Captain after a few moments, “What’s wrong?”

Tony let out a loud sigh.

“I just…I don’t want you to think of me as vulnerable.”

Steve knew that being vulnerable was a big insecurity of Tony’s. Constantly being thrown into a world of danger and violence was not easy for anyone, especially for Stark, who always aimed to rid the world of threats but instead had an unfortunate habit of making them.

“I don’t think you’re vulnerable Tony, the exact opposite in fact. I just care about you… more than I think I have the right to-,”

Steve didn’t have the time to finish because he was being pushed back against the hardness of the concrete ledge and Tony quickly straddled him and pressed their lips together. Despite their positions being incredibly risky and dangerous, the ledge was hardly three feet wide, they made

-out there anyways. Steve wasn’t in the mood- to kill the mood- which he typically did, and he surged up to meet Tony’s lips with his own. Steve parted his legs so Tony could entangle their legs together. Their torsos were pressed flush up against one another and they could feel one another’s heartbeats pounding against their chests’. Tony always took the initiative to take it to the next level. He pulled off slightly to suck roughly at the younger man’s neck, while sliding one hand between their bodies and slipping a hand under Steve’s shirt, feeling the smooth muscles there jump and contract at his touch. Steve panted brokenly into night’s air, and tangled his hands in Tony’s soft hair, pulling gently.

“Inside?” murmured Tony against the crook of Steve’s neck.

“Yes, god yes.”

That was the first night they fucked and it was incredible. Tony was all smooth lean muscle and golden skin. Steve had kissed every surface of his body, which made Tony writhe and grip the sheets. Steve was out of his mind nervous when he realized what was going to happen but Tony had kissed his worry away and happily guided him through the process. He told Steve how to open him up and crook his fingers just right. The younger man was slow and cautious, despite Tony’s demands to hurry up, but when he found the spot inside of the older man that made his back arch off the bed and mouth slacken in a silent scream, Steve knew it was the right time. He had slipped into Tony with ease and pushed in and out of him at a rhythmic pace. Tony had reached his climax before Steve, coming violently between both their bodies; Steve had continued to fuck Tony through it before coming himself and afterwards had gently pulled out of Tony’s pliant body and fell asleep bodies entangled under the sheets.

When Steve woke up in the morning he was greeted by the Tony’s stare again, which was pensive and deep in thought.

“What are you thinking about?”

“You’re the first person I’ve let sleep in my bed.”

“I must be special then.”

“Yeah, you probably are.”

That had been the best time of their relationship but of course it didn’t last long. They had broken up and gotten back together maybe eight times in the past couple of years and had just recently decided to call it quits after the whole Ultron ordeal which had changed everything.

Tony had stopped talking to anyone, except government officials. He would ignore Steve’s calls and texts and Steve nowadays only saw him on his television screen robotically assuring the people that the Avengers were in the process of being restrained.

Tony didn’t trust himself anymore. He had no self- confidence left. He came to believe that he harmed the world more as Iron Man than protect it and that drove Steve crazy.

Somewhere along the way he had fallen in love with the complicated man, who was as sad, lost, and confused as Steve was and only had a handful of people he could trust, and apparently Steve was no longer included in that exclusive group. Whether or not Tony had loved him back, the younger man still didn’t know, but then again he never had to ask to know the _right_ answer.

* * *

 

 Steve was impatiently tapping his fingernails against the glass table. It was only him and Tony alone in the room; it was the first time they had been alone together for months. Steve was mad at him for acting as a puppet for the government and ignoring his attempts at communication. It infuriated him how Tony didn’t seem to notice his seething anger, and looked at him rather passively.

“Steve,” began Tony.

“No,” interrupted the Captain who spoke commandingly with his battle voice. He didn’t want Tony to speak. He was tired of people trying to tell him what to do. He didn’t want Tony to become one of those people.

The older man just looked at him for a moment then leaned back in his chair, swiveling around in it occasionally. After a few more beats of silence he spoke again.

“Steve,”

When there was no interruption he continued.

“Steve. How have you been?”

“How have I been? Are you serious?”

“Alright so we are already passed the stage of formalities.”

“We always are.”

“Yeah I know.”

“What is it Tony?” asked Steve sharply.

“I need you to look that over.”

“No.” replied Steve simply. “Is that all?”

“Rogers, I’m being serious.”

“So am I,” asserted Steve, crossing his arms across his chest.

“Steve. The world is changing. It can’t afford to have people like us doing whatever we want, whenever we want, you know that.”

“You sound an awful lot like Ross. God, do you even think for yourself nowadays?”

“Don’t change the subject.”

“So you’ll just bend a knee then? Give up your freedom? You’ll hand over your life that easily.”

“If we can’t accept limitations then we’re no better than the bad guys,” articulated Tony, raising his voice slightly.

“I don’t see it that way.”

“Sometimes I want to punch you in your perfect teeth,” bit Tony, shaking his head.

“Just let me leave Tony. You’re not going to change my mind about this.”

“Is it him? Is he why you’re so against the act?”

“No,” seethed Steve.

“He’s a lost cause and a dangerous man. You should give that up.”

Steve knew Tony was only trying to provoke him but he fell for it anyways.

“Don’t talk about him like you know him.”

“I know he’s responsible for hundreds of deaths and terrorist attacks. I know he’s been Hydra’s asset for the past couple of decades. I know he got his memory fried and doesn’t remember you.”

“You’re wrong. He does remember me.”

Steve saw Tony’s expression tighten at his response. The air grew even tenser than before. Steve withheld himself from yelling in frustration.

“So you’ve found him.”

The captain just stared in silence at the man across from him.

“Tell me where he is.”

“No. Don’t ask me again.”

Tony slapped a hand against the table, shooting up out of his chair.

“Goddammit Steve! Tell me where he is. You do not have the right to withhold that information.”

“You’re changed Tony. You’re choosing the wrong side.”

“No, Rogers, it’s you that’s wrong. You have no idea what you could be starting here. They’ll come after you… I’ll come after you.”

For a moment Tony sounded almost pleading.

“You can try.”

“Don’t be the hero Rogers, just this one time.”

“Why don’t you try being one for a change?”

“I did and I failed. I don’t want to see you make a mistake you can’t fix.”

Steve was silent for a long time. He took a long look at Tony who looked tired and pale, so unlike his usual bright, spirited complexion. Steve didn’t hate Tony, far from it. He’d always want to save him. There was a part of him that would always love him.

“I’m going to leave now,” spoke Steve rising out of his chair, “I’m not going to comply with the act and I’m not changing my mind…. This may be the last time I see you on non- hostile terms… will you be honest with me about one thing?” asked Steve searching Tony’s eyes for something familiar. He found nothing.

“What?” asked Tony quietly, avoiding any eye contact with the younger man.

“Did you ever love me?”

Steve waited patiently for Tony’s reply which never came. When five minutes had passed and the older man had not uttered a single word, Steve had furrowed his eyebrows and shook his head disappointingly. He glanced one last time at Tony, who was sitting expressionless at the end of the table, before walking out of the building with Sam beside him.

Tony knew he might’ve just lost him forever. But he couldn’t let himself give in, not with what was about to happen. He chose his side and there was no going back. He stood up and walked unsteadily towards the end of the table, where he grabbed the legislation packet and tucked it under his arm.

“I always will,” answered Tony to the empty room.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Please tell me what you think!! I might write part two with Steve and Bucky's developing relationship if that's something you guys would want to read!! Thanks so much for reading!!!


End file.
